soul night 3

I get it now.

when the dudes wanna hang out with you they dance on you. or near you. or whatever the kids are calling it now... that seems like something i should have known right? WRONG. meanwhile... I was dancing with my ladies and this nerd (one of many) was dancing around us. He looked like he went to a costume shop and bought the "hippie guy" costume with accessories. RIDICULOUS. After we decided it was time to go I stepped off of that dance floor and he approached me and said "I'm there...." and motioned me back to the dance floor. 

cool life.

What Happened? PT 4.

Girls night out..,. damn, these betches are SEXY and they're ready to PARTY!

We certainly were getting plenty of enticing offers.

 Not now boys. I'm busy.

What Happened? PT 3.

OMG! Celebrity sighting!

Everybody was really trying to maintain their cool.

I even tried to not drink so much by sharing with a friend.

I don't think it worked.

What happened? PT 2.

This is probably not as fun as it looks... It always works like that. 

For starters, the DJ totally got in my face when I asked him to play some Destiny's Child.

It took a really long time to get a drink too.

The Band kinda sucked.

But the chic that played keyboards had hot tits and her little friend was a total slut.

What happened? PT 1.

who can remember last night, let alone the past few months... lets examine shall we?

Naughty Ironic drunk puppet photos....How embarrassing for me.

One requirement of a successful evening is traveling with the right pack of goons. These ones are more than suitable for a girl like me

If you think this man would approach you on the street, grab you by the ear and force you to take Jager shots with him, you are completely correct. And yes, he is rolling around town with an ex roadie for Motley Crue.

Everybody in San Francisco IS hotter than you. It's a fact. I lived there for like five months and I was better looking in those five months than I've ever been in my whole life. Just being there makes you radiate sexy vibes.... see?

No one Should be allowed back into public after going to Hard French... too much day drinking and dancing can make you act a fool.

I mean... if you don't believe me watch this:

This girl seemed really nice...

These girls don't. 

Olive Garden... HELL NAH Applebees.

What do you expect when you roll up to some house on the corner of hell and South east NOWHERE to play a house show? Well one thing is for sure you can expect most of your friends not to make it there because nobody drives. Not to mention everybody got day drunk because today happened to be one of the 20 days a year it's not completely depressing outside in Portland. But based on my recent research these are the things you can count on.

1. You will split a bottle of wine, very quickly, with one of your friends.  You will chain smoke in the back yard and only watch a couple of songs by each band before you play. You will smoke weed right before you play.

2. After smoking said weed you feel the power of a thousand Steve Croppers take ahold of you, and you play one of the best shows of your life. Not because you were good, but because it was groovy. and because you passed a joint to the crowd.

3. When you're done playing you'll be drinking a glass of water and hand it to your friend to have her take a drink and exclaim "Ew! what the fuck is this?"

4. While you're loading out you'll pass some guy peeing outside. He'll tell you mid-whiz that he REALLY, REALLY, REALLY  liked your show. He seems offended when your response is "you have your penis in your hand, sir."

when a strange man asks you to get into a van... YOU GO

ok. so what the fuck? We were standing on the street getting ready to shred when some dudes come up to us and ask us if we'd like to use their van. This is how the night begins. Use the van we did, embarrass himself... he would. Guess what dummy, i don't care about your band. I also don't care about your psychedelic ukulele side project. Meanwhile, don't expect me to not laugh when you want to have a conversation about how great tonight's turn out was for your show because I was there. There were like twenty people at best and 15 of them spent all night sitting outside texting and chain smoking.  and just in case you're still wondering... no my friends and i would not like to have sex with you tonight... PASS.